The Beatings will Continue until Morale Improves...

How do you Motivate your Team...?

I hear all sorts of stories and anecdotes about how Managers and Leaders inspire their Teams; some good some bad and some downright ugly..

So here are some of the phrases I have experienced, heard or been told on my journey through business; they are not referenced for obvious reasons - you know who you are...

1. Sales Motivation.

If you don't get the order, don't bother coming back.

Industrial Packaging Industry - no pressure then...

You'd make more more sense sitting ON your 'phone than holding it to your mouth...

Logistics & Transport - many a true word I guess....

Sales Targets are for morons - so you should be fine...

Recruitment Industry - not sure she meant that...

Selling is about relationships and trust; our clients don't deserve that, so just go and sell 'em something...

Transport Industry - you get the clients you deserve...

You lot are the worst Sales Team I have ever come across, my 9 year old son could do better; and he's an idiot...

Computer Industry - that should inspire them...

2. Team Building and Motivation.

The beatings will continue until Morale improves..

Finance Industry - attributed to Captain Bligh...

You are lucky to work here and have me as your boss, no one else would put up with your snivelling attitude, negativity and arrogance...

Legal Business - life is a Mirror

I motivate my team by paying them a wage, and then next month if they are good I pay them again...

Retail Sector - after all money is the only reason people work...

You lot would be more helpful to us if you worked for the competition; I'll get you some application forms..

IT Sector - one way of knobbling the competition...

3. Board Meetings - you'd be surprised...

I'm going to turn my back on you until you apologise for being an obnoxious pig; and if you think you're sleeping with me tonight, you can forget it...

Retail Sector - when couples run a business it goes wrong sometimes.

This is my company, my money and I get to tell you what to do; just because you are Directors and have Shares doesn't mean I have to listen to you...

Financial Services - actually it probably does...

Get out, your fired - in fact that's too easy - come back here, don't you walk off when I'm talking to you; I haven't finished with you yet. You have targets to hit and a family to keep - you can't afford to ignore me, I know where you live..

Franchise Industry - Fire, Ready, Aim..

If the shareholders want a report, they can have one; their parasitic greed, constant whining and negativity are really beginning to get on my nerves; they can all go and........
There, that's my report, send them that and tell 'em to go and...

Marketing Sector - remember Shareholders hire the Directors...

Do you have any to add to this list..?

David Holland is an Author, Speaker and Business Coach, who works with ambitious and sometimes slightly terrified Business Owners, Entrepreneurs and Executives making sure they don't jump off the bridge or go completely insane as they build they businesses and lives......

Unlike other "Coaches and Guru's" he doesn't take himself too seriously, but does do whatever it takes to enable the people he comes into contact with to survive and thrive in business and life; he's also a pretty good rock drummer and biker too.

He's got an MBA too - but only his Mom is impressed by that...

If you are bored, you could buy one of his books - if you actually read it, which apparently 76% of people don't - you'll learn about life, business and success and just maybe make a few more $$$ in the process.. Click HERE...

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Email me - the first email is FREE - davidholland@resultsrulesok.com

...and then brace your self for the ride of your life...